why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
