He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
