I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
