mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
