my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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