Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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