living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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