I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i need some magic done to my vagina
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
