I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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