my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
