we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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