it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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