I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
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My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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