Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
