remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
