I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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