dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
