it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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