Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
