How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
