is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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