So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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