I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
