I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
