ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
