I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
