after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
