i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
