Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
