I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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