it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
