tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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