You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
