were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize