I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
bring money and cleavage
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
