How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
