theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
