69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
