I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
