So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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