He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
