i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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