I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
