lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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