I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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