This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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