Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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