Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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