Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
