so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
