threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont even know how to be here
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
