why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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