roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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