i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
