his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
it was like eating out sand paper
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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