while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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