I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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