she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
