That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
