I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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