This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
