so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
