dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
