Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
