This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
