Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
