Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
