Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
