matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
4 words: hood of his car
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
