there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
