and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
