Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
