My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
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