How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
