Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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