yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
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When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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