i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize