Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
