I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
that's an acceptable place to lick
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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