if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
